Bear Jokes Gallery

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34. Bear jokes # 2556

What should you call a bald teddy?

Fred bear!

33. Bear jokes # 2557

What’s a teddy bears favourite pasta?

Tagliateddy!

32. Bear jokes # 2558

What is a bear’s favourite drink?

Koka-Koala!

31. Bear jokes # 2559

Q: What is the Kodiak bears favorite dessert?
A: ESKIMO PIE.

30. Jokes about bear # 2563

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, “Are there any friendly bears listening?”

After a moment, another voice replied, “Yes, I’m a friendly bear,” and then another voice, “I’m a friendly bear too!”

At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there

was silence for about ten seconds.

Then a small voice said, “You’re not a very friendly bear, are you?”

29. Funny bear jokes # 2566

Q: What do you call bears with no ears?
A: B.

28. Funny bear jokes # 2568

Mama and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand to testify and is asked by the judge, “Do you want to live with Papa Bear?”

  • “No,” Baby Bear replies, “he beats me.”
  • Then the judge asks, “Do you want to live with Mama Bear?”
  • “No,” Baby Bear replies, “she beats me too.”
  • So the Judge says, “Who do you want to live with then?”
  • Baby Bear replies, “I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they don’t beat anybody.”

27. Funny bear jokes # 2569

  • A papa polar bear, a mama polar bear, and a baby polar bear got stranded on an ice-floe and drifted out to sea.
  • They decided to tell stories to pass the time.
  • Papa told his favorite story about the time he outwitted a hunter.
  • Mama told a story about the time she tricked a seal into coming for lunch.
  • Then Papa turned to the baby bear. “What’s your story, son?” he asked.
  • The baby bear shivered. “My tail’s told!” he replied.

26. Bear Run Story| Jokes about bears # 2571

Two guys are out in the woods hiking.
All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second guy says, “What are you doing?”
The first guy says, “I figure when the bear gets too close, we’ll have to jump down and make a run for it.”
The second guy says, “Are you crazy? You can’t outrun a bear”!
The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you.”

25. Polar BearFreezing Joke| Jokes about bears # 2572

One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother.
With a confused expression on his face and says, “Mom? Am I a polar bear?”
“Well of course son!”
The cub replied, “You’re sure I’m not a panda bear or a black bear?”
“No, of course not. Now run outside and play.”
But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.
The cub asks, “Dad, am I a polar bear?”
“Why of course son!” the papa polar bear gruffly replies.
The cub continues, “I don’t have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?”
“No son. I’m a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and by god you too are one hundred percent purebred polar bear!! Why in the world do you ask?”
“Because I’m freezing my BUTT off!!”

24. Jokes about bears # 2574

An Arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying.

When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, “It’s a miracle!”

The polar bear opened one eye and said “Don’t talk while I’m saying grace.”

We’ve just heard of still another result of Global Warming. Pedestrians in Iqaluit are now being pestered by polar bears panhandling for spare ice.

A Polar bear walks into a restaurant in Churchill and says to the waiter,

“I’ll have a seal steak……………………. and a side order of lemmings.”

The waiter says….” What’s with the big pause?”

The bear replies, “I don’t know… but my father had them, too!”

23. Funny bears jokes # 2577

“It’s important to pay close attention in school. For years I thought that bears masturbated all winter.”

–Damon R. Milhem

22. Q: Do you know how to catch a polar bear with peas?

A: First, go out onto the edge of a frozen lake and cut a big hole in the ice. Then you place a circle of peas around the rim of the hole, and hide behind a nearby tree. When a polar bear comes to take a pea, jump out behind him and kick him in the ice-hole.

21. Hilarious Bear jokes # 2587

Q: Which bear saw the accident?
A: The neighbear.

20. Hilarious Bear jokes # 2589

Q: Which bear fixed the car?
A: The Macguybear.

19. Jokes about bear # 2667

What do polar bears have for lunch?

Ice burger!

18. Jokes about bear # 2668

What do polar bears have that no other animal has?

Polar bear babies.

17. Jokes about bear # 2669

How to catch a polar bear:

Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!

16. Funny bear jokes # 2670

Bears in Bars

There is this bear, right, and he walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says “Can I have a large Gin and……………………………… Tonic Please?”
The Barman replies “Yeah sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear holds up his paws and says “I’m a bear!!”

One Day The 3 Bears Returned From Their Forest Walk And Sat Down At The Breakfast Table.

daddy Bears Then Yells “what The Hell Is Going On Here, Somebody Has Eaten All My Porridge!”

baby Bear Also Shrieks “what’s Going On Here, Somebody Has Eaten All My Porridge Too!”

then Momma Bear Says “o, Both Of You Shut The Fuck Up! I Haven’t Even Made The Porridge Yet!”

15. Funny bear jokes # 2672

There Are 3 Bears In A Plane. A Mummy Bear. A Daddy Bear And A Baby Bear. The Plane Is Going To Crash But There Are Only 2 Parachutes So The Mummy Bear And Daddy Bear Take The Parachutes And Leave The Baby Bear. When They Land The Baby Bear Is Already There And They Ask How Did You Get There And The Baby Bear Says Dont Be Stupid Dont Be Silly Me Hold Onto Daddys Willy.

14. Funny bear jokes # 2673

Well Ther Was A Hunter Named Tom And First He Killed A Bear And A Other Bear Was Behind Him He Said I Will Eat You Are Get You Up The But And Tom Said Up The But And The Bear Did It Took A Week To Heal Tom And He Killed The Bear And One Was Behind Him Again And Gave Him The Same Choice And He Said Up The But And The Bear Did It And It Took Moths For Tom To Heal And He Killed The Bear And Saod Yes And A Bear Was Behind Him Again And Said You Do Not Come Out Here For Huting Do You Tom

13. Funny bear jokes # 2674

A Rabbit Was Standing Outside K-mart. his Friend Bear Came Outside. rabbit Said To Bear, what Are You Doing? And Bear Replied Getting Some Underware For My Bare Butt!

12. Jokes about bears # 2679

There was a Genie that saw a bear chasing a rabbit the genie said if the bear stops he will grant them each two wishes. They Agree the bear says ” I want to have the bigest penis that any bear ever had so it is granted the rabbit says ” I want a motorcycle” the genie shrugs and grants his wish. Then the bear said I want all the bears but me to be female that is also granted then the rabbit starts his motorcycle and says ” I wish the bear was gay” and rides off.

11. Funny bears jokes # 2680

Why do bears not wear shoes: because they wear bear feet.

10. Funny bears jokes # 2681

Q. Why did the 1st koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because the first koala knocked it out on his way down.

9. Funny bears jokes # 2682

why cant polar bears eat penguins?

because they cant get the wrappers off!

8. Funny bears jokes # 2683

In the light of the rising frequency of human – grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in it and smells like pepper.

7. Funny jokes about bear # 2686

there was 3 bears and the father was Shut up mom was non ya buisness and there son was trouble. Trouble was out picking berries and he got lost so his parents came to find him. Whe they were driving and looking for him a cop pulled them over. Mama and papa bear stoped and the cop said, ” Did you know you were speeding?” No said papa bear. Sir what’s your name Shut up. So the cop went over to mama’s side and said ma’m what’s your name? None ya buisness. Are u two looking for trouble, asked the cop? Yes said mama and papa bear.

6. Funny jokes about bear # 2687

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

5. Hilarious Bear jokes # 2692

A bear is walking throught the woods looking for somewhere to

take a shit. He finds a tree sits down and starts shitting. Just

then a rabbit walks up and starts shitting right next to him.

then the bear says “rabbit do you have a problem with shit

sticking to your fur?” the rabbit said no so the bear picked the

rabbit up and whiped his ass with him

4. Hilarious Bear jokes # 2693

Q: What kind of money to polo bears use?
A: Ice lolly!

Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I’ve been shooting in my shorts!

Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!

Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A: A bear faced lyre!

Q: Why do bears have fur coats?
A: Because they’d look stupid in anoraks!

Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!

Q: What should you call a bald teddy?
A: Fred bear!

Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A: A little bear!

Q: What’s yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
A: Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear’s forgotten cousin!

Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
A: Winnie the Pooh!

3. Questions and Answers Funny Bear jokes # 2694

Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts!

Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
A: A polo bear!

Q: Why do polo bears like bald men?
A: Because they have a great, white, bear place!

Q: What do polo bears have for lunch?
A: Ice burger!

Q: What’s a teddy bears favorite pasta?
A: Tagliateddy!

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: They both have ‘the’ as their middle names!

Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
A: It lives on ice!

Q: Why shouldn’t you take a bear to the zoo?
A: Because they’d rather go to the cinema!

Q: What is a bear’s favorite drink?
A: Koka-Koala!

Q: Why was the little bear so spoiled?
A: Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!

2. Bears fan and Colts fan | Bear Jokes

A Bears fan was driving when he spotted a Colts fan walking along the road. For fun, he swerved near him, veering away just in time.

Though he was certain he had missed the guy, he heard a loud THUD.

The Bears fan glanced in his mirrors but didn’t see anything. “What was that?” he asked friend in the back seat. “I thought I missed that Colts fan.”

“You did” replied his friend, “But I got him with the door.”

1. ** NAME CHANGE **

The Chicago Bears will be changed to the “Chicago Tampons” as they are only

good for one period and have no second string.

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