THE FUNNY POOP LIST
GHOST POOP: The kind where you feel the poop come our, but
thereis no poop in the toilet.
CLEAN POOP: The kind where you poop it out, see it in the
toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOP: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
stillfeels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between
yourbutt and your underwear so you won’t ruin them with a stain.
SECOND WAVE POOP: This happens when you’re done poop-ing andyou’ve
pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that youhave
to poop some more.
POP-A-VEIN-IN YOUR-FOREHEAD-POOP: The kind where you strain
so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOP: The kind of poop that is so huge you’re
afraidto flush without first breaking it into little pieces with
GASSEY POOP: It’s so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!
DRINKER POOP: The kind of poop you have the morning after
a longnight of drinking, It’s most noticeable trait is the sid
marks onthe bottom of the toilet.
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOP-POOP: The kind where you want to poopbut
all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOP: That’s where it hurts so badly coming out you’dswear
it was leaving you sideways.
WET CHEEKS POOP: (The power dump) The kind that comes out of
yourbutt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
LIQUID POOP The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out
of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
MEXICAN POOP: It smells so bad your nose burns.
UPPER-CLASS POOP: The kind of poop that doesn’t smell.
THE SURPRISE POOP: You’re not even at the toilet because you
aresure you’re about to fart, but OOPS – a poop!!!
THE DANGLING POOP: this poop refused to drop into the toilet
even though you know you are done poop-ing it. You just pray
thata shake or two will cut it loose. BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH
YOUR NOSE POOP: The kind poop where youstrain so much to get
it out that you practically have a stroke.
RICHARD SIMMONS POOP – The kind of poop where you poop so
muchthat you lose 40 pounds.
CORN Poop – Self explanitory.
ICEBERG POOP – The kind where the poop is so long that the
endof it sticks above the water
SQUID POOP – That’s the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shootsout
of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the
whole time chronically burning your tender buns
THE OTTOMAS POOP – The kind where the odor of the mess creeps
outof the restroom and throughout the building to make the entirebuilding
sick or near evacuation. (This has been noted in severalbowling
alleys in the past few years)
POPCORN AND PEANUT POOP: (Related To The Corn Poop Family)
Whenyou poop and can actually feel the Popcorn, Peanuts, and
any otherforeign objects.
THE SLOW AS MOLASSES POOP: People who will sit on the toilet
for 2to 3 hours and grunt, groan, fart, and curse because it takes
solong. ( It usually ends up to be a huge fart at most. )
SPEED POOPRS: People who can walk to the bathroom, and in less
than 30 seconds, can poop, wipe, and be gone!
SHRIVELED DRY POOP: The kind where you sit there and squeez
untilyour stomach feels like it’s coming out of you ass and the
poop isso dried up it feels like broken glass sliding through
THE I’M BUSY POOP: Where you are trying to do something (like
call a BBS) and you don’t want to take the time to go poop,
so youhold it as long as possible and then run like a screaming
maniac tothe bathroom and tear you pants off jump on the toilet
and it flysout in 4 seconds flat making a loud fart noise and
slashing your bunswith water.
JALAPENO POOP: The kind of poop where you eat HOT jalapenos
allday then scream the whole time in the bathroom because it feels
likesomeone has a flamethrower up your ass and your poop comes
outlike red-orange mushy clay.
THE ‘I THINK I HAVE TO POOP’ POOP: This is where you feel
likeyou have to poop but when you try the feeling goes away
then assoon as your back doing what you where doing before it
PEBBLES POOP: the kind of poop where you try for hours to
squeeze it out and all that happens is one tiny little black pebblecomes
INTERRUPTED POOP – This is the kind where you’re in the bathroomhalfway
through withyour poop and all of a sudden the doorbellrings
or the phone rings and you have to squeeze your ass muscles toeiher
hurry the poop along or cut it off in mid poop.
THE ‘I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE POOP’ POOP: This is where you fell
like you have to poop but it’s not so noticeable that you go,
thenyou get in the car to go somewhere and as soon as you get
down theblock you say to yourself, ‘I knew I should have gone
poop!!’ … What happens after that is unpredictible!!
THE NIAGRA FALLS POOPR: This is the type of person who was born
with diarea and still has it. They sit down and it shoots out
like adam the broke wide open. The worst part is when you have
to go nextand the toilet is unspeakable and there is no toilet
paper left touse.
HANGING BY THREAD POOP: The one you wait around for, for a littlewhile,
before trying to loosen it by rocking, swinging and bouncing, knowing
all the time you’re gonna have to smear that baby all overyour
butt, use half a roll of paper just trying to get rid of it. There
is a 50% chance you will miss getting all of it, of course. Inwhich
case you might notice it after you have put your pants back on, and
to your horror you experience that cool wet sensation just abovethe
knee cap. At this point you will either go into denial and walkaround
smelling like poop, or take your pants off and use the otherhalf
of the roll trying to get it out of your pants. As a publicservice
the authors of the poop list ask you to vigorously washyour
hands in either case.
BLACK RAIN POOP. This comes out with the consistentcy of meltedchocolate
and the smell of toxic waste and is darker than is normalfor humans.
BLACK HOLE POOP: What you have after a black rain.
APOCALYPSE NOW POOP: This is the one that says ‘NOW’ to you
whilstyou’re still putting your key in the door. By some inhuman
feat ofcontrol you manage to keep it just the right side of your
assholeuntil you get your undies down whereupon it blasts like
flamingnapalm out of you all over the pot before your cheeks get
a chanceto touch the seat.
TERMINATOR POOP: Or ‘The butt plug’ no matter how hard you squeeze,
is going to stay just inside your tubes but far enough downto
convince you that it might just come out if you grip the edges
ofthe seat and pull at the same time as trying to force your internalorgans
through your hole. Don’t be tricked by this little sucker, it’s
there to stay. Come back when you can Thunderball.
THUNDERBALL POOP: You sit. You wait. Then you feel that build
upof back-pressure that is your only way to get rid of this Terminator. To
maximise the effect, you tighten your sphincter whilst bearingdown
and just before the poop turns to diamond under the heat andpressure
you open your little bullet hole and out comes this flamingsolid
lump at almost escape velocity. You sigh and wait for theveins
in your temples to go down before exiting.
THE GUNS OF NAVARONE POOP: Similar to a Thunderball but this
timeyou have lots of ammunition.
BODY OF EVIDENCE POOP: The one that resurfaces after the dreafuldeed
is done, especially when everyone has just seen you emerge fromthe
can. But you know it wasn’t there when you looked afterflushing,
so it couldn’t have been you. BEWARE: This can cause thebreak-down
of household relations and can be used in divorceproceedings.
RUNNING MAN POOP: At the start of the day you had an ‘ApocalypseNow’
and since then you’ve been for a dump seven times and each timeyou
thought you were about to poop down your trouser leg in publicfor
the first time since you were in nappies. You make it to the bogand
even to sit down but it comes out the way Newcastle Brown Alegoes
in. On days like this you need to wear trainers and pantyliners
to truely feel safe.
THE CROWD PLEASER POOP: This poop is so intriguing in size
and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
THE MOOD ENHANCER POOP: This poop occurs after a lengthy periodof
constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
THE RITUAL POOP: This poop occurs at the same time each day
andis accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS POOP: A poop so noteworthy it
shouldbe recorded for future generations.
THE AFTERSHOCK POOP: This poop has an odour so powerful thananyone
entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
THE ‘HONEYMOON’S OVER’ POOP: This is any poop created in thepresence
of another person.
THE GROANER POOP: A poop so huge it cannot exit without vocalassistance.
THE FLOATER POOP: Characterized by its floatability, this poophas
been known to tumble and swirl and resurface after manyflushings.
THE RANGER POOP: A poop which refuses to let go. It is usuallynecessary
to engage a rocking and bouncing motion, but quite oftenthe only
solution is to push it away with a piece of toilet paper.
THE PHANTOM POOP: This appears in the toilet mysteriously and
noone will admit to putting it there.
THE BOMBSHELL POOP: A poop that comes as a complete surprise
ata time that is either inappropriate to poop (ie. during lovemakingor
a root canal) or you are nowhere near poopting facilities.
THE SNAKE CHARMER POOP: A long skinny poop which has managed
tocoil itself into a frightening position – usually harmless.
THE OLYMPIC POOP: This poop occurs exactly one hour prior
to thestart of any competitive event in which you are entered
and bears aclose resemblance to the Drinker’s Poop.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE POOP: This poop may be of any variety but
isalways deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind
thepassenger side of your car.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POOP: An adorable collection of small
turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN’Tpoop.
PREMEDITATED POOP: Laxative induced. Doesn’t count.
SHITZOPHERENIA POOP: Fear of poopting – can be fatal!
DURACELL POOP: Also known as a ‘Still Going’ poop.
THE POWER DUMP POOP: The kind that comes out so fast, you barelyget
your pants down when you’re done.
THE LIQUID PLUMBER POOP: This kind of poop is so big it plugs
upthe toilet and it overflows all over the floor.
THE ‘I THINK I’M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE’ POOP: Similar
toThe Spinal Tap Poop. The shape and size of the turd resembles
abeer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some timeafterwards.
THE PORRIDGE POOP: The type that comes out like toothpaste,
and justkeeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep
going, or(b) risk it piling up to your bum while you sit there
THE ‘I’M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER’ POOP: When the bag of
Fritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum
on theway out in the morning.
THE ‘I THINK I’M TURNING INTO A BUNNY’ POOP: When you drop lots
ofcute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny
ploppingsounds when they hit the water.
THE ‘WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?’ POOP: Also sometimes referred
toas The Toxic Dump. Of course you don’t warn anyone of the poisonousbathroom
odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoythe
show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.
THE ‘I JUST KNOW THERE’S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE’ POOP:
Whereyou just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on
to dropoff because if you wipe now, it’s going to smear all over
THE ‘DAIRY QUEEN DIP’ POOP: Similar to the Snake Charmer Poop, with
the coiling action, but looks more like a soft ice cream fromyour
local neighborhood ice cream parlor. Cones optional
THE FUNNY POOP LIST